I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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