Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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