i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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