I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
