Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Randomize
