This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
