it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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