True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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