What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
