who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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