Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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