a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
