i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
