I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
