You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
