You're earring is so big in my mouth
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
