Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
