ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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