Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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