You smell like a Billy Joel song
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
