Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
