his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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