ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
