I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are two peas in an std pod
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
