I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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