I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
