I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
