Cold hands, warm shart.
I could make wine with my vomit
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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