As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
