Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
