i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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