Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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