i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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