OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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