The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
did i just pee glitter
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
