Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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