so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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