Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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