What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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