i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
