An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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