he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
