People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
