In the future we'll all be gay
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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