There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
