just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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