My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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