as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
