just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
