stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
