Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
