i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
