So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
