wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
